Dear Lo,

I just went through a break-up with my boyfriend that left me feeling blindsided. From the moment we met, we both felt a strong connection and we both knew that we were dating with the intention of getting married. We were together for a year and a half, and in that time, we spent almost every day together. He was living with me, and we started to build a life together. He changed careers so that he could have more time for us, we traveled, and started making long-term plans. I always felt that we had such a strong and loving relationship, and I felt like we both put a lot of effort into the relationship. Over this time, we had a handful of arguments where I got very mad, but he didn’t. Generally, I’m a much more emotional person than he is, and I even expressed to him at times that I wanted him to open up more. After the arguments, we talked about it, I apologized, and he always assured me that we were fine.

About 2 months passed after the last argument we had, and everything seemed great. We spent the holidays together and even vacationed out of the country with our families. But then last month, he suddenly asked me for space, saying that the arguments from the past hurt him and he couldn’t get past them. I felt blindsided and hurt because I had no idea he felt like this, and I told him that he should have talked to me about how he was really feeling. Still, I heard what he had to say, I apologized for hurting him, and we discussed what we could do to fix this issue. Things felt like they went back to normal and we both said we felt better after talking. However, a couple of weeks later, I went away for the weekend, and when I came back home, he had packed all of his things and told me he was breaking up with me because those arguments hurt him, and he was upset that I never brought up his request again for space. However, I know that I had suggested several ways that he could get some space from me if he felt he needed it, and I asked him multiple times to let me know how he was feeling. He said that each of these arguments left him feeling like a piece of him was gone and I had insecurities I needed to work through. I again told him that he should have talked to me, but he thinks that because I felt guilty for those arguments that that should have prompted me to bring it up and talk to him about them.

I truly had no idea that he felt like this, and it hurts me that he would think I would ever purposely ignore or dismiss his feelings. He also said multiple times during the breakup how much he loved me, and because of that, he brushed these arguments under the rug. But now I’m left feeling so guilty, wishing that I would have never gotten mad in the first place. I feel like everything is my fault although I feel that I always tried my best to be the best girlfriend I could be. With everything that we had been through together, I truly felt that we had a stronger relationship than this and that he would be able to see that our relationship was mostly happy and good, aside from these arguments. Was this all my fault? Should I feel this guilty?