Lauren’s Story

When clients and virtual event participants hear me describe codependency, people pleasing, and perfectionism, they often express shock at how precisely I articulate their lived experience, asking how I got inside their head and read their mind. In response, I smile and say, “I understand where you’re coming from because I was you. I’m here to show you that change is possible and there is another way to live.” It can be incredibly relieving to learn that we are not alone in our struggles and to be given hope for a brighter future.

For the majority of my childhood and young adult years, I neglected my self-care, worried about how others viewed me, and looked for external validation at all costs. Without realizing it, I was searching for connection and acceptance in the only way I knew how. I tied my identity and purpose to my achievements, striving for perfection and criticizing myself if I made a mistake or perceived that I failed in any way. I also struggled to step outside of my comfort zone or take risks out of fear that I would embarrass myself and experience rejection. In my close relationships, I was hypersensitive and reactive, often looking for reasons that the people I loved would leave.

Beginning in college, I experienced several pivotal moments that prompted me to seek support and learn to heal my codependent patterns. I was hospitalized with mono in my junior year, which opened my eyes to the health dangers associated with self-neglect and overscheduling. When I decided to pursue a graduate degree in counseling, I entered therapy for the first time as a requirement of the master’s program. My therapist provided me with a safe space to explore the overwhelm that often accompanied my people pleasing and perfectionist tendencies. She opened my eyes to the ways in which my past experiences continued to affect my present self, and taught me about acceptance, compassion, and grace. I continued therapy even after graduating, seeking support as I struggled through a breakup with a long-term partner. I then felt ready to examine the ways in which codependency showed up in my romantic relationships. I became aware that I looked for validation by fixing, saving, and managing my partner’s life to feel important, earn love, and distract myself from my own inner wounding. As I began to develop an authentic relationship to myself and create emotional safety from within, I recognized how empowering it felt to advocate for my wants, needs, and desires for the first time.

Later as a therapist working with my own clients, I realized that codependency, people pleasing, and perfectionism remain quite common in today’s society. I am forever indebted to those individuals who helped me to reach a place of confidence and peace now. To express my gratitude, I choose to pass along the awareness and knowledge that I learned from a place of understanding, compassion, and optimism. I feel honored to walk with you on your personal journey of self-discovery and healing. Thank you for this amazing opportunity to serve the needs of the Let Go With Lo community!